Ranking the James Bond Movies

So my son is 10 years old, and over the past year or so, we've been watching some of the James Bond movies together. Many of these I have not seen since I was in high school. We have half a dozen on DVD, so I'll rank those as well as Casino Royale, which I've watched twice since its release in 2006 and believe I remember well enough to rank.

Unlike the superhero movies, I'm going to put together a little rubric to make this an objective exercise. Since the Bond movies are formulaic and their quality is based on how well they fulfill the formula, I'm going to lay out the several categories a Bond movie can get points in. Most of the categories will award 2 points if the movie is one of the top 3 Bond movies (out of the 7 I'm rating), and 1 point if it's in the top 6. (Please keep in mind, I am only basing this on the 6 movies I have watched with my son, plus Casino Royale. In future, I may add more movies to the mix.) Here are the criteria, with a maximum of 14 points available:

Story/Plot--2 points--Is the plot coherent and logical? Are the stakes high?  (2 points, top 3; 1 point, top 6)

Action--2 points--Are the stunts exciting? The car chases thrilling?  (2 points, top 3; 1 point, top 6)

Villain--2 points--What's a Bond movie without dastardly villains and their henchmen? (2 points, top 3; 1 point, top 6)

Setting--2 points--The Bond movies are all about exotic locations. (2 points, top 3; 1 point, top 6)

Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--2 points--What's the cool stuff?  (2 points, top 3; 1 point, top 6)

Bond girls--2 points--The ladies, oh yes, the ladies. (2 points, top 3; 1 point, top 6)

Sean Connery or Daniel Craig?--1 point--These are the best Bonds (no need to debate) and get an automatic extra point if appearing in the film.

Musical theme--1 point if in the top 5

Goldfinger
Story/Plot--Cornering the world gold market by irradiating the gold in Fort Knox. Definitely top 3 (2 points)
Action--The car chase is good, the golf game is classic, but not a whole lot of stunts. Top 6. (1 point)
Villain--Goldfinger? Odd Job? Are you kidding me? Top 3 (2 points)
Setting--Scotland and Kentucky are creative, but not that exotic. Top 6 (1 point)
Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--Oh, God, the Aston Martin! Plus an extensive visit to Q's lab. And Goldfinger's laser. Top 3 (2 points)
Bond Girls--Everybody remembers Pussy Galore because of her name, but she doesn't actually make much of an impact in the movie. 0 points
SC or DC? Connery, +1
Music--Goldfinger, yep, +1
Total: 10 points

Thunderball
Story/Plot--Nuclear missile dropped underwater, top 6 (1 point)
Action--Great SCUBA scenes (and innovative for their time), a decent car chase. Top 6 (1 point)
Villain--Emilio Largo--Who? (0 points)
Setting--Opening scene in Paris, most of the action in the Bahamas. A little generic (0 points)
Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--Underwater breather, lots of cool SCUBA stuff, Largo's beachfront house is sweet. Top 6 (1 point)
Bond Girls--Fiona Volpe--not too memorable. Top 6 (1 point)
SC or DC? Connery, +1
Music--Tom Jones on the title song. I guess we'll say Top 5, +1
Total: 6 points

On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Story/Plot--The best plot of the movies, the only one that's a geniune tearjerker. (2 points)
Action--Some really beautifully done ski scenes, Top 3 (2 points)
Villain--Blofeld as played by Telly Savalas, plus the formidable Fraulein Bunt definite Top 3 (2 points)
Setting--Sardinia, but mostly in Switzerland, Top 6 (1 point)
Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--The Aston Martin again, and Blofeld's chalet is cool as hell. Top 3 (2 points)
Bond Girls--Diana Rigg, the only woman (until Casino Royale) Bond every fell for (and who can blame him?) (2 points)
SC or DC?--Nope
Music--Not too memorable
Total: 9 points

Live and Let Die
Story/Plot--Something about cornering the heroin market, I don't know, not too great (0 points)
Action--Gators, a boat chase in the bayou, but doesn't add up to a top 6 finish
Villain--Mr. Big/Kananga is forgettable, but Baron Samedi is worth a mention. Top 6 (1 point)
Setting--Some great shots of Bond really, really out of place in Harlem, some nice shots of New Orleans. Unfortunately, much of the movie is set in the fictional island of San Monique. Why? Is there any other Bond movie with a fictional location? Top 6 (1 point)
Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--A magnetic watch, some cool boats, top 6 (1 point)
Bond Girls--Not one, but two of the hottest Bond Girls ever--Solitaire (Jane Seymour) and Rosie Carver (Gloria Hendry), top 3 (2 points)
SC or DC?--Nope
Music--Paul McCartney, +1
Total: 6 points

The Spy Who Loved Me
Story/Plot--Actually a fairly exciting, tense plot about some stolen nuclear missiles, top 3 (2 points)
Action--Great underwater action, the fight with Jaws on the train, top 6 (1 points)
Villain--Stromberg is forgettable (though with good taste in lairs), but his henchman Jaws is second only to Oddball in Bond history. Top 3 (2 points)
Setting--Great atmospheric scenes in Egypt, Sardinia, plus the opening ski scene in Austria--definite top 3 (2 points)
Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--A Lotus that turns into a submarine! An awesome undersea lair with transparent walls and an awesome bar that anybody would want to live in, or at least through a bitchin' party! (2 points)
Bond Girls--Barbara Bach, the hottest Bond girl of all time, and with a huge role in the movie, too. (2 points)
SC or DC?--Nope
Music--Nobody Does It Better, Top 5, +1
Total: 12 points

Casino Royale
Story/Plot--A plot to bankrupt a known terrorist at a secret high-stakes gambling event, top 6 (1 point)
Action--The initial parkour chase in Madagascar, plus a number of other great scenes puts this in the top 3 (2 points)
Villain--Le Chiffre cries blood, hits you in your gonads with a big rope if he doesn't like you, top 6 (1 point)
Setting--Miami, Montenegro, and some really great scenes in Venice, top 3 (2 points)
Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--A tracking device, an explosive keychain, top 6 (1 point)
Bond Girls--Vesper Lynd just barely misses the top 3 (1 point)
SC or DC?--Daniel Craig +1
Music--Not too memorable
Total: 9 points

Skyfall
Story/Plot--A villain who used to be in MI6 but feels betrayed, top 6 (1 point)
Action--Really cool fight on the top of the elevator shaft in a Shanghai skyscraper and several other scenes puts this in the top 6 (1 point)
Villain---Raoul Silva, one of the more believable Bond villains, top 6 (1 point)
Setting--Shanghai, Bond's childhood home in Scotland, London, including the bowels of MI6, top 6 (1 point)
Gadgets, Vehicles, Lairs--Not a lot of that stuff here (0 points)
Bond Girls--Severine, but really M functions as the Bond Girl in this one (?!), top 6 (1 point)
SC or DC?--Daniel Craig +1
Music--Adele, +1
Total: 7 points

And, here are the results:
1) The Spy Who Loved Me, 12 points
2) Goldfinger, 10 points
3, 4) Casino Royale, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, tied with 9 points
5) Skyfall, 7 points
6, 7) Thunderball and Live and Let Die, tied with 6 points

What I'm Reading: Grit Lit

Grit Lit: A Rough South Reader collects short stories from the past 30 years or so in the sub-genre the collection calls "Rough South." These are stories set in the South among mostly blue-collar families or the rural underclass, folks with a tendency towards drink, violence, and short-term employment. The authors are the heirs of Faulkner and generally come from a poor, rural background themselves.

The book was something of an eye-opener for me. My own stories and novels tend to be set in the South, with a lot of the types of characters as found here. Although generally, I work in YA and have a somewhat less bleak worldview that most of these stories. I guess I must have had the sense there were others working in this area, hence my seeking the book out, but I had little concrete idea of what exactly such a collection would entail.

There is not a weak story among the bunch, and a number of them will stay with me a long time:

Tim McLaurin's hero, Bubble, decides to drink all the wine in the world in The Acorn Plan after his nephew cuts a soldier up while drunk. At best, this will leave nothing left for his nephew to drink, but more realistically, he wants his nephew to get a good close-up look at where his path is taking him, even if it means his own dissolution.

Wylie Greer is a new father is Will Allison's Atlas Towing, and not real confident he will be a better father than his own drunk and mostly-absent old man. But when a casual buddy of his accidentally kills his own newborn, Wylie reassesses what he might have to offer his family.

In Jim Gautreux's Sorry Blood an alcoholic loser kidnaps a senile old man from the parking lot of a Wal-Mart, intending to force him into physical labor at his house for a few days. But the loser learns even an apparently vulnerable old man has hidden strengths.

These three were some of my personal favorites, but honestly, you could pick up this book and flip to a random page and wherever you land it will be well-worth your time to read. Every single story offers a mini-seminar in how to write a meaningful, moving short story.

Ranking the Spider-Man Movies

So far I've ranked the Batman movies, the Superman movies, the other DC movies, the Avengers movies, the X-Men movies, the summer 2015 comic movies and the non-Marvel and non-DC comic movies.  There's only one major franchise of super-hero movies yet to do, and that is the Spider-Man franchise.  So here we go!

(P.S. Loyal reader Pat wondered in a recent comment when I'd be getting to the Fantastic Four movies. Those will be coming up under the "other Marvel movies" category, which I have planned for the (not-too distant?) future.)

As ever, my ranking system is
Green=excellent  Blue=pretty good  Black=Okay  Red=avoid

Spider-Man (2002)--At the time, this was one of the best comic movies that had yet appeared. Comic fans have had a wealth of offerings since then, but this still holds up as highly entertaining. Willem Defoe as the Green Goblin is nicely menacing, Kirsten Dunst makes an excellent Mary Jane, and Tobey Maguire is...perhaps not the perfect Peter Parker, but much more than adequate.

Spider-Man 2 (2004)--And this was even better. It had a lot of themes that really resonated. It took the old trope from the comic of Spidey running out of web fluid and made it a symbol of impotence. It paralleled the scientist Dr. Octavius with Peter Parker, an aspiring scientist, showing how he could navigate a life of science, super-heroing, while also maintaining romantic and personal relationships. But when Dr. Octavius turned to Dr. Octopus, it also showed Peter the dangers of putting too much ambition. Well-paced, perfect tone, fun but some things to think about it.

Spider-Man 3--This brought the series back to earth. Not actually terrible, but over-stuffed and muddled with villains and secondary characters.

Amazing Spider-Man (2012)--Looked terrible in previews, got awful reviews, so I decided to skip it.

Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)--Same as above.

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Here's the master list of all comics movies I've rated so far, in order from best to worst:

Crumb
American Splendor
Iron Man
Heavy Metal (1981)
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
Avengers
Superman (1978)
Captain America
Batman Begins (2005)
Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier
Spider-Man (2002)
X-Men 2: X-Men United
X-Men: Days of Future Past
Superman II
Batman (1989)
Ant-Man
The Dark Knight (2008)
Iron Man 3
The Wolverine
Sin City (2005)
X-Men: First Class
X-Men
Avengers 2: Age of Ultron
Swamp Thing (1982)
Spider-Man 3
Iron Man 2
Watchmen (2009)
Batman Forever (1995)
Superman Returns (2006)
Thor 2: The Dark World
Incredible Hulk (2008)
Mystery Men
Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Superman III
Supergirl (1984)
Thor
X-Men 3: Last Stand
Hulk (2003)
Fritz the Cat (1972)
Batman and Robin (1997)
Batman Returns (1992)
Superman IV

Amazing Spider-Man (2012) (Haven't seen)
Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) (Haven't seen)
Batman (1966) (Haven't seen)
Catwoman (Haven't seen)
Constantine (Haven't seen)
Green Lantern (Haven't seen)
Hellboy (Haven't seen)
Judge Dredd (Haven't seen)
Man of Steel (Haven't seen)
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014) (Haven't seen)
V for Vendetta (Haven't seen)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Haven't seen)

What I'm Reading: The Courts of Chaos

The Courts of Chaos is the fifth book in Roger Zelazny's Amber series of fantasy novels (see here, here and here for write-ups on previous novels in the series). I've previously described these as grown-up fantasy without the usual cliches, and that continues to hold true for this volume.

This is the final of Zelazny's original five novels and wraps up the story of Prince Corwin, who in volume three found himself unexpectedly ruling in Amber, the one true kingdom whose throne he had been fighting his siblings for, and who, in volume four, found ruling wasn't all it was cracked up to be. In The Courts of Chaos he travels to, well, the courts of chaos, where the final battle is taking place between the heirs of Amber and the Lords of Chaos, the two primeval realms of existence of which all the other worlds (including Earth) are but shadows.

I won't give away the ending except to say that it is wholly satisfying and yet, as usual with Zelazny, does not follow the expected fantasy path. In fact, Corwin's role in the battle is rather small though he has many other important tasks to take care of which bring him in contact with a variety of humorous and dangerous characters. Also as in previous volumes, though there is no lack of physical conflict, opponents are really just as likely to use trickery, seduction, wit, or even philosophic argument to achieve their ends.

I highly recommend this book to any fans of fantasy, or for those who think they might like fantasy but aren't interested in elves. I'll probably take a break from Amber for a while, as the next five books (all contained in my giant "Great Book of Amber" tome) form a separate story, started some years after Zelazny finished the first five.

Ranking the Summer 2015 Marvel Movies

So far I've ranked the Batman movies, the Superman movies, the other DC movies, the Avengers movies, the X-Men movies, and the non-Marvel and non-DC comic movies.  There's only one major franchise of super-hero movies I haven't ranked yet, and that is the Spider-Man franchise.  But I'll continue to put that off for a while, while I rank this summer's comic book movies.

As ever, my ranking system is
Green=excellent  Blue=pretty good  Black=Okay  Red=avoid

Avengers 2: Age of Ultron--Not nearly as good as the first one. Too bombastic, too long, a few interesting character moments but not enough of them. We learned a lot about Hawkeye, who it turns out differs significantly from his comic book version. He has a wife and children tucked away in some safe place in the Midwest, and the moments we saw of his household were among the best in the movie. The new characters Quiksilver and the Scarlet Witch didn't really resonate. This wasn't terrible, but it felt like a time-filler, and what a lot of time it filled.

Ant-Man--Just saw this today. A lot of fun, if a little trifling. Because Ant-Man can't rely on his strength to get by, he has to rely on cleverness, so that's a nice change of pace from most other comic book movies. For the nerds, the Ant-Man in the movie is Scott Lang, with Dr. Hank Pym as his mentor. Hews pretty closely to Scott Lang's comic backstory, although Dr. Pym had lots of changes, which makes sense as his is a character that was damaged by some really bad story-writing choices decades ago (depicting him as a wife-beater, for instance). Funny and fast-moving.

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Here's the master list of all comics movies I've rated so far, in order from best to worst:

Crumb
American Splendor
Iron Man
Heavy Metal (1981)
Avengers
Superman (1978)
Captain America
Batman Begins (2005)
Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier
X-Men 2: X-Men United
X-Men: Days of Future Past
Superman II
Batman (1989)
Ant-Man
The Dark Knight (2008)
Iron Man 3
The Wolverine
Sin City (2005)
X-Men: First Class
X-Men
Avengers 2: Age of Ultron
Swamp Thing (1982)
Iron Man 2
Watchmen (2009)
Batman Forever (1995)
Superman Returns (2006)
Thor 2: The Dark World
Incredible Hulk (2008)
Mystery Men
Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Superman III
Supergirl (1984)
Thor
X-Men 3: Last Stand
Hulk (2003)
Fritz the Cat (1972)
Batman and Robin (1997)
Batman Returns (1992)
Superman IV

Batman (1966) (Haven't seen)
Catwoman (Haven't seen)
Constantine (Haven't seen)
Green Lantern (Haven't seen)
Hellboy (Haven't seen)
Judge Dredd (Haven't seen)
Man of Steel (Haven't seen)
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014) (Haven't seen)
V for Vendetta (Haven't seen)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Haven't seen)